


Vantage Point

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Character Study, Community: fanfic100, Community: mcsheplets, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-21
Updated: 2009-03-21
Packaged: 2017-10-21 19:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/229154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam reflects on her past decisions and choices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vantage Point

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LJ challenges **McSheplets** 41\. Secrets and **Fanfic100** 42\. Triangle.

The view from the balcony into the gate room was one that Sam would never forget, especially in the late afternoon when the sun struck the stained-glass window behind the Stargate and colored the entire room in green, yellow and gold. It was a sight she had never expected to see so often but the prestigious posting as Elizabeth's replacement had offered her this and many more wondrous views of Atlantis. Yet, the most amazing view was still the one that greeted her at various times of day or night; the sight of Rodney McKay being his usual arrogant self and gaining only a smile of indulgence from John Sheppard and so many others in return.

It wasn't what she had expected at all, having convinced herself from the moment they first met that Rodney would never find a single person willing to accept his many faults, let alone most of a city. On Earth he'd been no different to all the other physicists vying for supremacy and accolades in a tough, cut-throat discipline; herself included, though at least she had access to amazing technology that left her feeling smug even if disclosure agreements prevented her from crowing about her discoveries and theories. Of course, she could say the same thing about him and maybe that was what smarted the most when he did point out errors in her work; the fact that he had access to similar technology and knowledge.

It occurred to her that Rodney was still the same person she had known on Earth; a man with an unstable internal censorship where women and sex entered the equation. Her recent adventures with him and Jennifer in a crumbling Genii mining base had not shown much improvement though she couldn't fault his courage or his willingness to place his own well being in jeopardy for another. The rope burns on the palms of his hands had taken weeks to fully heal even with the aid of Ancient medical technology, and had to be painful.

Despite all his shortcomings, Rodney had found a home in the city, and acceptance. He'd found a place where he could shine, where his work was needed and his efforts appreciated by those he had saved from almost certain death time and time again. It was a position that should have been hers; one that had been offered to her but that she had turned down for less than altruistic reasons.

Sam had a secret. Once Daniel had figured out the location of the Lost City, she'd spent a lot of time and energy trying to convince various factions that Daniel Jackson should be offered the Chief Scientist position. She motioned that they needed a linguist and anthropologist in charge of the exploration rather than a theoretical astrophysicist and engineer like herself. She'd reasoned that the Ancient database would need Daniel's skills to decipher its true meanings, that he would be the one to understand the relevance of any cultures they discovered on other worlds in the Pegasus galaxy or even on Atlantis itself, as there was no reason to believe the city would be standing empty.

In the end, all she'd achieved was convincing the IOA to appoint Elizabeth, a diplomat and linguist, as head of the expedition and Rodney as its Chief Scientist. They had taken her words to heart and made a compromise, never knowing that her reasons for pushing for Daniel were purely personal.

Jack.

With Daniel a galaxy away, out of sight, perhaps he would also fade from Jack's mind too and leave her to fill the void left behind. In hindsight, it was a pathetic plan because Jack was...Jack. He had his reasons for keeping the relationship line drawn firmly between them, and being in love with Daniel was the greatest part of that. Years later, it had still hurt to know that Jack loved her dearly, and yet wasn't _in love_ with her.

All her machinations had gained her was a continuance of the status quo in her own relationship triangle--one consisting of her, Jack and Daniel. She had thrown away her chance of being the first head scientist in the city of Atlantis for ten thousand years, and she had almost thrown away her friendship with Daniel just for a slim chance of gaining Jack. Yet it had taken being offered Elizabeth's position for her to realize the other lives that would have been affected by her words had she convinced the IOA in the beginning.

As Rodney rushed across the gate room, hunched up over his data tablet, John was by his side, cajoling and shoving Rodney with his shoulder. John glanced up with a wicked, almost gleeful smile, almost as if he was drawing her into the little game he was playing, and Sam could not help but smile back. For all his annoyance, Rodney let John get away with his antics, perhaps not bothered half as much as he claimed. It was a comforting tableaux, one that saw others relaxing as if all was right in their world if John and Rodney were squabbling and tormenting each other like big kids.

Indulgent smiles and eye-rolls followed both of them across the room and from there in the corridors of the city. She'd seen those glances before, seen the boyish behavior mirrored in another pair of men. Neither the fraternization nor the DADT regulations had changed between galaxies for US military personnel but Sam knew deep inside that John had taken the final step that Jack had balked at; that he had bared more than just his soul to Rodney. The simple touches were possibly the only true give-away, so freely given to each other and yet withheld from all others except under duress.

She smiled indulgently, for who knew Rodney could hold his secrets so well.

The years had mellowed Sam and she raised her face into the golden sunlight, feeling its warmth on her closed eyelids. Secretly, she wished that she had been a stronger woman and let go of Jack sooner, and that Jack had been a stronger man and held onto Daniel. Atlantis had brought Rodney and John together so perhaps she had a chance of finding happiness here too.

Silently, she wished Jack and Daniel the same.

END


End file.
